Lost Control
by SweetLoveCries
Summary: One betrayed his feelings, other betrayed his sanity; both betrayed themselves. They knew that tomorrow they would glare at each other from across the yard and feel their guts clench for entirely different reasons... Dark!Fic...Gift fic for Kai's kitty!


A/N: My first Kaname/Zero story! It's a one-shot, songifc. The song fits their insanity so well *sighs*

This is also gift fic for my friend here on FFnet, Kai's Kitty. Her fic with Rido-sama made me want to write something dark o.o (yes, I scared myself)

Song that I used: "Lost Control" by Anathema

**Warnings**: Very dark fic, ruthless!Zero and lost!Kaname. I hope Kai likes this ^^

Enjoy!

**Lost Control**

Darkness...

Night has fallen long time ago. It was silent. There was no one but tall silhouette beside the window, hidden behind the curtain, gazing at the dark courtyard. His eyes gleamed red...

_**Life has betrayed me once again**_

Hand clutched the edge of the red curtain that was already torn. There was painful throb in his head and rush of thirst rocking his body... a thirst for blood...

He ignored it all... Man stared at the tall shadow under the tree, few meters away from his window. He knew who that was... he felt shiver rush through him... he knows because he fed on that man's blood...

_**I accept some things will never change **_

He brought up his hand and bit down on finger; the window was open slightly. He let drops of warm blood fall and smeared them on windowsill. He knew the exact moment when the other looked up, right at him; he knew that the silhouette knew was there even if he was hidden behind the curtain... He knew because the dark creature could sense his blood, even if there were just few drops of it. They craved the same thing... the thirst for it is already coming undone.

Zero had already lost the count which night in the row this was happening; he did not care because he knew he couldn't change back to what he was; he hated that... so why not make others suffer with him; to feel just one ounce of pain that runs through him when his need for blood overcomes him. He felt smirk creep back on his face- he knew Kuran Kaname's secret... that's why the other man visits him every night...

_**I've let your tiny minds magnify my agony**_

It was an addiction; Zero's mind didn't want to do anything with the pureblood vampire that was currently standing at the outside edge of the window; Zero's head was one thing, but his needs were something else entirely and they easily won any struggle that his mind put up.

Zero backed away from the curtain and leaned on the wall behind him; his eyes flashed red for a moment and then the glow disappeared. He has long ago given up on any hope for normal life with vampires; he had given up on Yuki; he had given up on Kaien and Yagari's help; he chose to be blissfully ignorant that Kuran Kaname is using him. After all, Zero will enjoy the pain that will flash through his eyes after this night's events are over because he knew Kuran Kaname's secret...

_**And it's left me with a chem'cal dependency for sanity.**_

Zero felt cold breeze sweep through the room as the window got open completely, letting in tall man that scanned the room with his red eyes. Zero had forgotten that Kaname could control his need- unlike him. Even his own blood made him go crazy. He hated this need...

There was no sound as Kaname's feet touched the floor; he was fixing the door of the room with his red eyes, not paying attention to Zero at all. He didn't want to look at him just yet- he just might lose control...

Quiet click indicated that key in key lock turned...

_**Yes, I am falling...**_

For a moment, everything went blurry for Zero; the distant sound of locking the door; cold air that rushed into room; Kaname's movements in front of him; the eyes...

He felt throb of pain rocking through his body; it wasn't like previous nights... he wondered if this particular throb had to do something with the pureblood in front of him; he despised him... so much that he could feel his own hatred backfiring inside of his body, ripping his guts open.

And then throbbing disappeared; his vision cleared up. Kaname is standing in middle of the room with his eyes locked on his neck. He was back in reality. Zero knew what was coming and he felt his hunger rise and overwhelm him immensely... His hunger made him blind; his eyes went red...

_**How much longer till I hit the ground?**_

He fed his hunger for blood shamelessly; he didn't care what will happen next; he didn't care if his body will become so weak even if he drank blood of a pureblood. He liked it that way- as long as he falls into that blissful red darkness Kaname Kuran was free to do anything he wished to do.

He did not feel anything because he did not want to feel; he didn't want to taste anything anymore because he was content for the time being; he only wanted to see the end of this night so that he could see pain flash through pureblood's eyes...

Zero felt arm hoist him up and made him sit on bed, his back leaned on headboard. His empty gaze didn't reveal anything to Kaname except that he was peaceful now; he didn't show if he liked fingers that glided down his chest; he didn't react to bite on his wrist and soft lapping on blood there; he didn't say 'no' when vampire slid his shirt down slowly...

_**I can't tell you why I'm breaking down.**_

It happened all over again; light touches, small bites, faint caresses; Kaname didn't know what to do anymore. He was watching Zero fade away and he couldn't do anything; he wanted to force himself not to let Zero feed on his blood tonight but he subsided, again; as if he was no pureblood vampire anymore, just mere mortal that cannot give other a feeling of pleasure.

He touched ice instead of skin; he was drained instead satisfied; he felt pain instead of anger. He couldn't make Zero talk. His silence was emptier than starless sky; his eyes were dead...

Zero didn't feel him at all; his blood refused to fulfill his cravings- Zero had rejected him and is going away...

_**Do you wonder why I prefer to be alone?**_

He liked his life in denial; as he felt light kiss on his neck he realized that he didn't need Kaname at all; he didn't know why but the felling made his stomach clench. He made his mind refuse the possibility of being satisfied by someone who ruined his life- he loved his denial. And he didn't want to accept the truth that Kuran Kaname wasn't guilty for his state. It was easier that way... Kuran Kaname didn't have to know anything that went through his head...

The two betrayers- one betrayed his feelings, other betrayed his sanity; both betrayed themselves. Both knew that tomorrow they will glare at each other from across the yard; they will feel their guts clench for entirely different reasons; love and denial, pain and restrain; something so full with emotion that made people around them feel uneasy...

_**Have I really lost control?**_

Kaname looked down at Zero; he was asleep for some time now. He just sat there, watching him, not moving away from him; he could feel his head spin- this time, he knew that he overdid it- red lines on Zero's hands and two bite marks on his neck proved that pretty clearly.

His fingers trailed one especially long scratch on Zero's shoulder- he didn't want to do that but it was stronger than him; he wanted to punish him in some way; he wanted to do _something_ , anything just to free himself of that pent up ache in his chest. Zero's refusal is obvious and he didn't want to accept that.

_**I'm coming to an end**_

He shifted closer lifted Zero's body, cradling him close; he leaned back down, holding Zero tightly; it was a secret that Zero knew and used it ruthlessly against him; the betrayal towards his sister is nothing compared to this sin. Zero didn't mention anything to anyone- no one knew about his weakness, about his pain and aching; Zero just used it mercilessly against him; as if he was paying long-time forgotten debt...

He hated Zero's silence, cold and aloof demeanor and smirk that danced in his eyes when he is about to leave the room. Zero knew that he will be back and he fed on that feeling. At least it proved that he was still alive, even if feeling only hate towards him.

_**I've realized what I could have been**_

The dawn was nearing. He knew he should leave; Zero was awake, like he was waiting for him to leave so that he could sneer at him. He stood up from the bed, eyeing dark stains of blood on the sheets. Zero's blood...

He picked up his clothes and dressed himself, not facing Zero; he didn't want to see his face full with pride of a winner. The feeling of being beaten washed over him like a cold shower.

Zero looked at the other man; usually Kuran left while darkness surrounded the place but now, first rays of sun washed over the sky. It was dawn already and he still lingered in his room.

He felt stings on his arms and back- tonight Kuran was angry and Zero thought that nothing could break collected train of thoughts in Kuran's head. Zero cherished the pain of those scars and bites- it was blissfully distracting.

When Kaname finished dressing, he turned towards Zero; the other just turned his head to side, like wordlessly telling him to leave, that he doesn't want him here anymore. But what was surprising that Zero didn't look so broken like he was few hours ago.

"Tell me, Kiryu Zero, how you define all of this?" he asked, his back turned to hunter. It was same question that he repeated over and over again, every night when he visited him. The question that never got an answer.

_**I can't sleep so I take a breath and hide behind my bravest mask**_

Zero sat up in bed- he remembers that question but he doesn't know how to answer it. He grabbed covers and laid back down, turning his back towards the other.

Kaname's eyes closed- he knew that he won't get an answer from the other, he never will. He straightened out his shirt and approached the window. The sky had pinkish color already and cold, fresh air filled the room.

He continued, not knowing if other listened to him:

"I know why I started this, I just don't know why you accepted it just like that," he paused for a moment. No sound came from bed.

"I know that you know why I stared this as well. However, you are acting like merciless level E monster that you are- you are enjoying in my pain, enough conscious of your existence not to lose your senses. So icy, aware, heartless and full of control." In the next moment, he was gone and left fully awake Zero to stare at the blank wall, with thoughts scattered all over the place...

_**I admit I've lost control**_

OWARI

A/N: I truly hope you liked this Kai, and everyone else! Reviews are VERY welcome! Cya!


End file.
